So, I've been fussed at by one girl for leaving my MySpace and LiveJournal accounts. I don't consider our friendship important anymore, so on, so forth. It's so exasperating, but I guess that in many ways she's right - I've moved beyond many of the people I hung out with during my last year of high school. That's not necessarily saying anything bad about them, but I choose a few strands of friendship that I build up and cling to; I'm not interested in having many friends, especially those who could care less about what happens to me and who I am (and vice versa). I'm not interested in remaining friends with people who discourage my spiritual growth for selfish reasons or who don't care enough about where they're going in life to care about anyone else. This particular girl had her chance to be one of the close ones. I clung to the strand that was our friendship until it lashed out at me too many times, at which point I finally let go. After some wrongs committed and realized on both sides she has tried to reconnect that tie, but, once again, I'm not interested. That's the truth.
She has the link to this page; she may very well read this. I know that I'm not being as forgiving as I should be, and that this entire entry has me coming off sounding like a complete jerk. Perhaps I am one.
However, one of Aesop's Fables comes to mind. A farmer cuts off the end of a snake's tail. In retaliation, the snake bites the farmer's son, and the son dies. The farmer approaches the snake, saying, "Please, let's stop this: let's forgive and forget."
"I'll agree to forgive," said the snake, "but I will never forget the loss of my tail, nor you the loss of your son."
By this time last year this girl had caused me and some of the people I love a lot of pain, for various reasons. Aside from her causing me emotional pain, she also caused me to not be able to throw my heart into the welfare of other people in all the time since. My best friends were constantly having to worry about me and exchange frustrations to each other about my situation. The family that had been kindest to her were constantly taken advantage of. The entire situation took a toll on everybody's state of mind.
Yes, the situation has been amended. Yes, plenty of time has passed. Yes, forgiveness has been exchanged on all sides.
But I will not forget the loss of my share of innocence, nor she the loss of her pride and her friend.
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